Trigger
by Therm
Summary: Hawkeye hates guns. Hates everything about them and the damage they do. But what happens when he has to use one, in the direst of circumstances? How will he cope with being part of something he hates so much? Based on a prompt from tumblr.


He'd slipped away from it all, unnoticed.

A trail of blood had dried on his face, irritating the skin underneath. But his eyes were closed, head lent back against the wall. He wanted silence. Peace and quiet. Swallowed up in nothingness.

"Ah, Pierce. I've been looking for you."

Hawkeye opened his eyes slightly. Charles was stood in front of him, lab coat on. "Everything okay?" he asked.

"Margaret has plenty of people attending to her. She'll be fine." His voice was reassuring. Calm.

Hawkeye closed his eyes again. "What about-"

"He's being taken care of," Charles spoke quickly, cut off the words Pierce would have said. "Colonel Potter was quite adamant that your actions will have saved Margaret's life.

"Yeah," Pierce said numbly.

"Anyway, I'm just going to see to this wound on your head, clean you up a little bit..." Charles said as he sat on the bench beside Pierce. But Pierce said nothing. Did nothing.  
Charles took the supplies he'd bought with him and started to dab at the gash over Pierce's left eye. He was unnervingly quiet which worried Charles more than anything else. He wondered if he could get a good enough look at Pierce's eyes to check for a concussion.

The cut didn't look too deep. Charles started to wipe away the dried blood from his face.

He noticed his hands. Still covered in blood. Didn't know if it were Margaret's or the North Korean's.

The North Korean who had shot at them, caused the accident that injured Margaret in the first place.

"Is she really going to be okay?" he asked, barely above a whisper.

"You could go see for yourself." He shook his head no. "Well, perhaps consider getting a shower and some rest. Would you like me to take you to the Swamp?"

Hawkeye's brow creased and he opened his eyes and looked at Charles before nodding slowly.

* * *

BJ and Colonel Potter were in post-op when Charles got back. Margaret was in a bed, a screen pulled round for privacy. He went straight over to the others.

"How is she?"

"Doing well. Should be fine when she's had some time to heal."

"It looked worse than it was," BJ confirmed.

Charles looked round to the bed with two MP's on either side of it. "When is he going?"

"First thing," Potter said, not needing to see who Charles was referring too.

"Did you find Hawk?" BJ asked.

Charles nodded. "He's in the Swamp."

"He okay?" Potter pushed.

Charles didn't think Pierce was doing particularly great but also didn't want them to worry about him too much. "I think you'll be able to tell better when he's had some rest."

"That doesn't sound too reassuring," BJ commented. Charles could already see the worry set in his eyes.

They had a lot to be worried about right now.

"We all know how Pierce feels about guns. If he felt that the only choice he had was to use one, I can't imagine how concerned he was for himself and Margaret's fate out there," Potter stated.

The North Korean man had a fairly serious wound, but not fatal unless he were to leave it untreated. Whether Pierce had been able to aim so as to now cause serious injury or if the Korean man was just incredibly lucky they were still unsure. Hawkeye had been in too much shock when they got back and had barely managed to tell them anything before he sloped off.

"Keep an eye on Pierce. Let me know. I'll come by and see him in the morning. Now, get some rest yourselves boys. It's been a long day."

* * *

BJ sat in the chair beside Hawkeye's cot.

He hadn't expected Hawkeye to be sleeping. Wasn't really convinced he was. "Hawk?" He whispered. "You awake?" No answer. No movement. "I wanted to let you know how Margaret was doing." When Hawkeye still didn't stir he knew his friend was sleeping. He wouldn't have feigned sleep if he could have heard news on Margaret.  
Just as well really, as BJ had little to say on that front.

He sat watching over Hawkeye as he slept until Charles came in. Winchester had gone and showered and BJ still hadn't moved.

"Hunnicutt, you're hanging over him like a vulture," Charles chided.

"I just want to know he's okay," BJ said before tearing his gaze away and getting up. "He hasn't even changed, his got blood all over his hands."

"I did suggest a shower but I feel the mental toll of the day took more out of him."

"You think he's going to be okay?"

"Better when the Korean has been moved on. Better still when Margaret is up and about."

BJ sat on his own bunk and pulled his boots off. "If she hadn't been with him, he'd never have had a gun. He'd probably be dead."

"Probably." Charles agreed. "Thank goodness for that gun."

* * *

_It was like being in a thick fog. He could barely see anything. _

_But it wasn't fog. It stuck in his throat and he coughed as the dust that had flown up from the crash filled the air around them. He lay in the dirt coughing until a raspy sound next to him distracted him from his own struggles. Margaret was laying a little way from him. Her face was etched in pain he could see blood on her. He couldn't see a wound. Before he even moved, when he was still thinking about moving, Margaret pointed towards him. "Gun.." she croaked out. _

_He grabbed for it, intending to give it to her, to make her feel better while he checked her over. He remembered thinking about how small it was and yet how deadly, and afterwards how ironic his internal monologue would end up being. Before he even made a step out towards her, another short rang out and Margaret's body jerked. _

_Nothing registered for a moment. She was silent and still. _

_And the gun shot. _

_And then it pieced together horribly as he heard words that he didn't understand. The North Korean soldier stepped round passed the Jeep, maybe unaware that Hawkeye was just the other side of it. _

_He fired off two shots before he even knew what was happening. The man went down and he wanted to throw up. _

_But Margaret..._

He woke with a start, gasped. But he couldn't move.

Not an inch. Like his whole body was stuck to the cot. He lay there, unmoving taking deep breaths trying to forget what frightened him.

Camp was dark and silent and he felt alone as his paralysing fear began to lessen it's hold on him and he turned over towards BJ. Hunnicutt was sleeping peacefully and despite his trepidation at being alone, Hawkeye was at least pleased to see BJ so close by to him. Plus if BJ was here then Margaret must be okay.

He sat up and peered across the room. Winchester was also there. She must be okay then. They'd never be here resting like that if she weren't okay. He sat up, body protesting terribly. The impact from the accident had caught up with him. He pulled his robe on carefully before he headed out.

He didn't really think about where he was going, just wandered until he was stood outside Margaret's tent. His breathing hitched a little at the idea she wasn't inside. He pulled the door open so he could look at her tent, took one small step towards it. It looked empty.

"Captain? Can I help you with anything?"

Hawkeye let go of the door and turned to see Klinger stood there. He was on guard duty, rifle slung over his shoulder as he stood waiting for Hawkeye's answer. His eyes landed on the rifle and he felt something rising up at the back of his throat. He felt like he might just throw up.

"How can you guard this camp if you're stood here talking to me?"

"I saw movement and I came to check it out, Sir. It was you." Klinger explained. He knew Hawkeye had been with Major Houlihan but hadn't seen much of him when they'd returned. He tried to keep his tone neutral, not aggravate the situation. He could tell Hawkeye wasn't quite himself. "I'll get back to patrol. Maybe you should get some sleep, Captain."

"Maybe you should do your job a little better. You didn't even ask for the password. I could have been anyone."

Klinger nodded. "I'll keep that in mind, Sir," he said, reminding himself that Hawkeye wasn't being like this for the hell of it. He watched as Hawkeye headed off toward the mess tent and disappeared into the darkness of the tent.

TBC


End file.
